How to stop being a passive man

Do you feel like a passive spectator of your own life?

Instead of being an active participant in making things happen…

Do you feel like you’re just sitting on the sidelines?

Going through the motions and watching others do what you want to do?

It’s Oliver here again and in this email/video, I’m talking about:

• Why you might feel this way

• What causes passivity

• How to fully jump in and start living again.

Let’s go.

What is a passive man?

If you’re a passive man it means you’re avoiding taking full responsibility for your life.

You let fear drive you.

You’re avoiding making decisions.

You’re avoiding confrontation, however necessary.

You’re numbing out with porn, drugs, booze, social media and other forms of entertainment.

There are three responses available at any time in any life situation.

• Change it.

• Accept it.

• Leave it.

If you’re a passive man, you do none of these things.

You dissociate, check out & detach yourself from your life while watching people living theirs through your screen.

Why this happens

There are three reasons why you might be passive.

• You fear change. Life is change. But you haven’t fully made peace with this yet. Stuck in the past. A time that was better than now. You haven’t grieved the loss of that phase of life and it’s preventing you from moving forward - in the belief that life can’t ever be that good again (so why try?).

• You fear failure. You choose to live in your fantasy of a better life and get a little dopamine hit for it rather than face the reality of working towards it with the possibility of rejection and failure. You don’t believe you’re capable of making it happen or handling the challenging journey.

• You fear feeling. You’re afraid of feeling the full depth of fear, sadness, hurt and loss so you try to control life and stay in your safe comfort zone - making you afraid of taking risks.

The rewards of being passive

But while this sounds terrible, there’s a payoff to passivity.

By avoiding taking responsibility, you avoid the full feeling of failure.

By numbing out, you avoid feeling pain, at least for now.

By avoiding confrontation, you avoid saying the wrong thing or making a mistake.

By watching other people live, you get 2nd hand pleasure but without the risk.

Why passivity destroys your life…

Passivity will destroy your life.

Many men (and some reading this right now) will go to their graves never having participated in their lives.

They’ll die an NPC instead of being the hero.

Sometimes doing nothing is as harmful as doing the wrong thing.

By avoiding taking responsibility, you’re failing literally all the time although you might not feel it fully now - but one day you’ll wake up and realise it when it’s too late.

By numbing out - you avoid feeling pain but you rob yourself of your connection to yourself. That voice within that knows what you want and where to go. You also numb yourself out to real joy.

By avoiding confrontation, you place other people’s values, opinions and desires above your own - letting other people dictate the course of your life.

By watching other people live - you condition yourself to live in the third person.

• On Pornhub - watching another man have sex with a beautiful woman instead of experiencing it.

• On Reddit watching another man’s weight loss journey instead of getting in great shape.

• On Destiny 2 levelling up your fake character instead of building your skills and knowledge in the real work.

Being a spectator has its pleasures.

But wouldn’t you rather be the one who actually lives instead?

It’s better to be an active participant

Life is not a spectator sport.

It’s a lot more fun and fulfilling when you get off the fence.

How to start taking part in your life again

1. Stop spectating. Stop stalking people on social media. Stop idolizing people and putting them on pedestals. Take inspiration from other people but always remember - Anything they can do - you can do too. So focus on your goals, dreams and actions instead.

2. Stop waiting for the perfect time. There will never be a 100% perfect time to do something. You will never be free from fear if you’re growing. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

3. Do an honest life audit. Feel into your life and get real about it. Are you happy with your relationships, career, your health or how you spend your time? What would your life look like if the bullshit didn’t hold you back?

4. Take responsibility. You are not a victim. Not everything was your fault. Everything from this moment on is a choice. Notice who or what you blame for your life being the way it is. Drop it. Nobody is coming to save you. You have the power to solve your problems.

5. Make decisions. Any decision is better than no decision. From today, start training yourself to be a participant by making decisions great and small.

6. Take action. Start small. Decide one area of life to improve on. Make a decision about one thing what you’re doing to do about it. Do it. Repeat for other areas of your life. One small thing completed is better than 10 things never done.

If you’re serious about becoming an active participant in your life, this is what a former client Bronek achieved in the Man On Purpose programme:

“The biggest change I've noticed is that I am more confident in who I am, my value, and what I am capable of achieving. Thanks to the programme I could push hard enough through all that I was avoiding in life to uncover an inner spark that I now cherish.”

As it’s the start of the month, I have 2 spaces for 1:1 clients. Click this link to check out the Man On Purpose programme. The Courageous Man 6-week men’s group is now FULL. Email me if you want to get on the waiting list for next time.

Take care brother,

Oliver