Stop chasing approval

Hey, mate

Do you want to be a man who people respect?

Do you want to have relationships that mean something—deep, genuine relationships?

Do you want to have people around you who like you for you?

The problem is you seek approval from other people.

The problem is you seek validation.

And it sabotages you.

When you go into a social situation and your goal is:

"I need this person to validate me, I need this person to like me, I need this person to approve of me"

You become a social chameleon.

You become what you think the other person wants you to be.

You trade your authenticity…

Just to be liked by people.

But it actually pushes them further away.

When you do this, people don't trust you.

They might not say this to your face, but it’s true.

Because if you change yourself depending on whoever is around you, then who are you?

Probably not the person you’re showing to everyone.

You also can't trust yourself because your opinions, values, and interests change in the blink of an eye.

You can't know yourself because you change so often.

When you're a social chameleon, you don't have relationships; you have performances.

Stop seeking validation from other people.

Stop seeking approval.

It's easy to say that, isn't it?

But if it was as easy as clicking your fingers, you would have done it by now, wouldn't you?

Why do you seek approval from people?

I'm going to give you the answer.

You seek approval from others because you don’t approve of yourself.

The next time you're around people, instead of asking…

"What can I do for them to like me?" ask yourself

"Do I like them? Are these my people? Do these people bring out the best in me? Do these people encourage me to do better? Do these people challenge me in healthy ways?"

You set the terms.

It's your life.

Invite people into your life intentionally.

You might have to make some hard decisions, but this is the only way that you are going to stop this hamster wheel of approval-seeking and validation addiction.

Another way of conquering approval-seeking behaviours is to raise your social status (without being a dick, of course).

I wrote an article about it that I believe every man should read.

Give this a read.

And I’ll see you in the next email.

Big love,

Oliver