How to pass every single shit test

Hey, mate.

Happy new year and I hope you had a merry Christmas.

I’m back in the UK getting slightly fat and making plenty of log fires.

But I shall soon be in Bangkok, Thailand (make your ladyboy jokes now).

Now, speaking of ladies…here’s something I wish I learned much earlier.

As a man, women will test you.

Why?

Because in a relationship, a woman needs to feel safe to open up to you in all the ways you really like.

And for a woman to feel safe, she needs to be able to trust your structure, emotional, grounding and leadership.

This is why “nice guys” and “people pleasers” trigger a woman’s defences like crazy (and then wonder why he isn’t getting laid).

So she will test you from time to time.

Don't get resentful about it.

Most of the time, she's on your side.

Accept the challenge and embrace it.

If you're with a good woman, she won't leave you just because you failed a single test.

However, and I can’t make this point enough…

Just because women test men does not mean that abusive behaviour should be excused.

For example, if she's consistently late, refuses to take responsibility and gaslights you when you express anger about it...

This isn't feminine testing. This is narcissism and abuse.

And putting up with it doesn't make you more of a man.

Just as walking away from it doesn't make you any less of a man.

You are under no obligation to put up with abusive behaviour labelled as "feminine testing"

Develop a grounded masculine core.

Practise building a calm and centred presence.

Get comfortable setting the tone and taking the lead.

But always be willing to walk away if her behaviour turns abusive.

We all deserve love.

And that means you, too.

Oliver “Ladyboy” Cowlishaw