Make approaching women easy

Hey man

When was the last time you approached a woman?

For years, I avoided approaching women.

I thought it was creepy and invasive and that women hated it.

That was until a few years ago.

I decided to throw myself into the world of pick-up.

It was life-changing.

Approaching hundreds of women on the streets of Lisbon, Portugal shattered a ton of negative beliefs about approaching women.

Through my time doing pick-up - I learned something.

You can learn to approach a woman in a way that ends up being extremely enjoyable for both you and her.

Some women WANT to be approached. But in the right way.

And learning this skill is one of the best things you can learn to do as a man.

Because when you do, you'll gain control over your dating life and be able to attract the kind of women that you previously labelled as "out of your league."

And today in this email, I want to share with you how to do that based on what I've learned.

Here are 4 tips you can implement to help you approach a woman and strike up a conversation confidently.

Tip #1 - Frame the situation correctly

I used to make this mistake when seeing a hot woman (I still get caught of guard sometimes actually).

I saw her and thought...

"Oh my god she's so hot - what could I say or do to get her to like me?"

And this killed my confidence because I was placing my value below hers and literally giving my power away.

Until I started using a handy reframe which was:

"She's cute! I wonder if I'd enjoy talking to her. Let's find out"

This works because it keeps your balls intact and flips the script so that you aren't so needy and desperate for her approval.

In future, think about how you're framing the situation and what effect this has on you.

Tip #2 - Drop the act

Another mistake I used to make was thinking I needed to be extra charming, funny or alpha in order for her to like me.

And usually, this just led to a bunch of weird, inauthentic behaviours (which is what women find creepy, by the way).

It took me a while to learn that simply being chill and friendly gets you 90% of the way. I'm not joking.

When I dropped the charade (which is not easy) and focused on just having relaxed, chill and friendly conversations with women - I had way more enjoyable approaches than before.

And yes - this resulted in more numbers, dates and sex than when I was trying to be James Bond.

Tip #3 - Read the situation

Now, I may have given you the impression that my pickup journey was smooth sailing. I'm sorry if that's the case.

Because it wasn't. At all.

I got rejected. A lot. And painfully.

And what made this worse was the story in my head after a rejection.

"See? There really IS something wrong with you"

This hurt like a bitch.

But little did I know that this story was completely false.

The truth was that the majority of my rejections came because I had misread the situation.

• I approached a woman who was working in a clothes store (bad idea).

• I approached a woman as she was clearly in a rush.

• I approached a woman as she was in a pretty deep conversation on the phone.

The common thread here is that they were preoccupied and not in a position to talk.

Anyone trying to talk to them at that point would have been an inconvenience, let alone a total stranger.

So before you approach, read the situation and ask:

1. Is she open and available to talk to you?

2. Does she actually have the time to talk to you?

3. Is she somewhere she chooses to be (like a bar or cafe) or is she somewhere she has to be (like work or a queue)?

As a good rule of thumb - if she chooses to be there, it's a good environment to approach.

By reading the situation well before you approach, you'll drastically increase the chances of it being an enjoyable experience for both of you.

Tip #4 - Keep the opener simple

I never cared much about learning pickup lines.

After studying as a therapist for several years, by the time I started approaching, I knew that communication was 80% non-verbal.

It really doesn't matter much what you say.

It's more about how you say it and the vibe you sub-communicate.

By obsessing over openers, you're just feeding your approach anxiety.

So when deciding what to say as an opener, keep it simple.

• Make an observation.

• Offer a compliment.

• Ask a question.

Or just be straight with her and say:

“Hey, excuse me. I know this is a bit forward but I couldn’t help but notice you, and I think you’re cute. So I wanted to come over, say hello, and introduce myself. I’m [your name]. You are?”

Honestly, this will get you further than any cringe pick-up line.

Helping you overcome approach anxiety and talk confidently with women is part of what I do in the Man On Purpose 12-week mentorship program for men aged 30+.

I also help you find a strong sense of direction in life, discover your true self and make that self-present in your relationships while being able to talk with confidence to anyone (not just women).

All you have to do is click this link, which will take you to my calendar.

Find a time that suits you, block it out and answer the follow-up questions.

We’ll meet on a call & find the clarity you're looking for, and make a game plan for the next few months.

If your dating life sucks, then don’t wait.

Let’s talk.

Oliver “White Hitch” Cowlishaw