This email will make you charismatic

Hey man

By the end of this email, you will be more confident.

Today I’m going to give you a way to trick your brain into being more:

• charismatic

• warm, friendly, approachable

• attractive, interesting

• likeable, funny, memorable

And it really works.

I used to be a shy and socially awkward people-pleaser.

I’m not anymore.

And a big part of the reason for that comes down to this technique.

Because it resolves a key reason why so many people are anxious around people in the first place.

What is that key reason?

The problem with socially anxious people is that they direct 90% of their attention towards themselves.

This is called self-centred attention.

Your focus is captured so strongly by yourself that you find it practically impossible to focus on other people.

This can make conversations extremely difficult.

Good luck trying to be a charismatic person when you’re trapped in your mental prison of self-centred anxiety.

Fixing this with brute force and willpower is practically impossible.

Because anxiety is like a vortex with a strong gravitational pull.

We need to be like a judo player.

Flow with the anxiety. Don’t try to collide with it.

To do that, we need an equally powerful force to counteract it.

Another emotion that’s as capable as anxiety of capturing our attention.

What is that emotion?

CURIOSITY.

You need to be more curious about other people than you are anxious about yourself.

When this shift happens, a social gathering becomes an opportunity for you to satisfy your own curiosity rather than a job interview where you feel like you need to prove yourself.

But if you're socially anxious, how do you cultivate this kind of curiosity when you’ve been anxious/shy/awkward for years?

One way you can do this is by utilising a storytelling principle which the writers in my audience should know.

And that’s the principle of open loops.

An open loop in storytelling is a narrative technique used to capture and hold the audience's attention by introducing a question or mystery at the beginning and delaying its resolution.

For example, read this sentence and see how it affects you:

“As she slowly opened the door, nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to see”

I just opened a loop.

Don’t you want to KNOW the answer?

And just to fuck with you — there isn’t an answer. I’m not closing that loop. Ha.

But it affected you because the human mind DEMANDS closure.

And here’s the thing.

You can’t be anxious about something and curious about it at the same time.

Which brings us to social anxiety.

The key in a social situation is to be able to open your own loops and create questions in your mind that evoke such irresistible curiosity that your mind will crave the answer.

How do you practice this?

The coffee shop exercise.

I challenge you to go to a coffee shop or a restaurant and people-watch.

(If you’re anything like me, you do this anyway).

In your journal, open a bunch of loops based on the people that you see by asking questions about the people in the room.

The more interesting the question, the more your mind will want to answer it.

Here are a few examples:

• What could be the most unexpected item currently in that person's bag, and what's the story behind it?

• What secret dream or ambition might the barista have that no one would guess just by looking at them?

• Imagine the person at the corner table is a character in a novel; what twist or revelation would make their story unforgettable?

• What surprising hobby or talent might the person laughing with their friend possess, and how did they discover it?

Get into the habit of doing this in any public place. Not only is this a live mindfulness exercise where you can self-regulate the anxiety at will.

Not only will this also resolve the anxiety, but there’s an added benefit.

It will make you a memorable master conversationalist with endless interesting talking points.

Wouldn’t that be a transformation?

Imagine what could change in your life if you had "f*ck you” confidence?

A man with that unapologetic, bold “wholesome alpha” energy?

Well, mate…

That’s what I help men achieve in my 12-week programme.

Listen to what Bryson (a client who went through the programme) had to say about it…

“Deeper, more unshakable confidence.”

If you want to experience the same transformation in your confidence, charisma and communication skills.

If you want to talk to anyone effortlessly.

If you want to feel that calm, cool confidence around anyone.

And if you want to find your tribe of people…

Then click this link which will bring you to my calendar.

Book a time that suits you and answer the follow-up questions.

We will meet on a call and map out a game plan to upgrade your sense of purpose, social life, self-esteem and confidence.

I’m excited to talk to you, mate.

Take care,

Oliver