I broke up with my girlfriend

Hey man

A personal email today ...

I've been dating an amazing woman for the past 6 months.

But 4 months ago I started feeling a desire to leave Portugal where we met and embrace the lifestyle of a digital nomad.

This would mean leaving her behind.

It was a hard decision but I knew it was right for me to move to South East Asia.

As I was travelling around, we tried to make the long-distance thing work.

It wasn't easy.

I've always hated long-distance relationships because I feel like I’m in a partnership with my fucking phone instead of a person.

I thought this could be different. But it wasn't.

I realised that our paths were going in entirely different directions.

And deep down, I knew she wasn’t the woman I would spend the rest of my life with.

But I was scared to admit it.

I've always hated breaking up with someone.

It pokes me right in my inner people-pleaser.

I hate someone being in pain because of me.

So I procrastinated on this decision.

I tried to put on a brave face.

But a part of me knew that I was bullshitting myself and lying to her.

And it was eating away at me.

The moment I knew it needed to end?

She messaged me with a good morning text and I felt a bolt of self-hatred rise up from my belly.

(The inner critic isn't always wrong)

I knew what needed to be done.

I knew the truth.

But I was being a coward.

It had to end.

So four days ago I sucked it up and gave her the call.

I held the space for her.

I communicated the truth to her.

I dealt with my own emotions as she felt hers.

She cried a lot.

It was exactly the kind of conversation that I was trying to avoid.

Painful.

But necessary.

Even though a part of me felt like a piece of shit in the aftermath, I knew that it was right.

Putting on this charade wasn't helping either of us.

She was wasting her time with me when she could be spending her time finding a man who was more aligned with her.

It would have been more convenient for me in the short term to avoid the conversation...

But it would have been the wrong thing to do.

And that’s not what healthy masculinity is all about.

But what do I believe it’s about?

It's choosing to do the necessary yet difficult thing instead of the comfortable and convenient.

It's choosing to serve other people instead of just serving yourself.

It's choosing to live with integrity even when it causes you pain.

To embody healthy masculinity isn't easy.

But it's what the world needs more of.

So I'll leave you with these questions to consider...

Right now, where are you out of integrity in your life?

Who are you lying to with your silence, your actions or words?

What conversations are you avoiding even though you know they are necessary?

And what’s one courageous thing you could do to start being the man you say you are?

Big love,

Oliver

P.S. Did you see my most recent video? I talk about how I became financially independent with a small ass YouTube channel. It’s good shit.