5 clear signs a man has an unhealed father wound

... healing starts now

Alright, mate.

There’s a question every man must ask himself at some point.

In what ways did my father influence me — both good and bad?

If your dad was absent, passive, inadequate, abusive, or just didn’t meet your emotional needs consistently, that leaves a deep wound that can stick around well into adulthood.

The father wound can shape how you see yourself, how you show up in relationships, and even how you connect with your own masculinity.

I’m breaking down five signs that this wound might still be playing out in your life.

Let’s get into it.

1. You Struggle to Connect with Other Men

If you grew up without a strong, healthy father figure, you might’ve learned to associate masculinity with pain, rejection, or neglect.

Without realizing it, you could be pushing other men away because, deep down, you don’t fully trust them.

Maybe you prefer hanging out with women and say things like:

  • “I just get along better with women.”

  • “Guys are too competitive or aggressive.”

That’s all fine, but a lot of men in this situation also find themselves stuck in the “friend zone” when it comes to dating.

Without a solid connection to their own masculinity, they struggle to be seen as attractive partners.

2. You Crave Validation from Women

If your dad wasn’t there emotionally, you might’ve clung to your mom for security.

That can create an attachment pattern where, even in adulthood, you seek out that same emotional safety from women.

How does this show up?

  • You people-please in relationships

  • Rejection hits you hard

  • You feel incomplete without female attention

For a long time, I shaped my entire life around making women like me—without even realizing it.

Every decision I made was filtered through that lens.

It wasn’t until some solid men pointed it out that I started to see the pattern and work on breaking it.

3. You Struggle to Own Your Masculinity

Your father is supposed to be the first role model of masculinity in your life.

If he wasn’t there or wasn’t a great example, you might not have ever learned what healthy masculinity looks like.

That can leave you feeling:

  • Passive and unsure of yourself

  • Afraid to take risks

  • Avoidant of conflict

  • Lost when it comes to purpose or direction

It’s like trying to build a house without a blueprint—you’re left figuring it out on your own.

And when you don’t have that foundation, it’s easy to feel like something’s missing, even if you can’t quite put your finger on it.

4. You Keep Picking Emotionally Unavailable Partners

We tend to repeat the relationship patterns we grew up with.

Freud called this the “repetition compulsion,” where our subconscious keeps recreating the past in an attempt to work through it.

So if your dad was:

  • Cold

  • Distant

  • Emotionally unavailable

…you might find yourself drawn to partners who make you feel the same way.

Not because you want to, but because, on some level, it just feels familiar—even if it’s painful.

Breaking this cycle starts with recognizing it and making a conscious effort to choose healthier dynamics.

5. You’ve Got Repressed Anger

If your home growing up didn’t allow for healthy expressions of anger, you might not have learned how to handle it.

Some guys grew up in homes where anger was totally shut down, while others were punished for expressing it.

This can lead to:

  • Chronic procrastination

  • Depression or anxiety

  • Low self-esteem

  • Fear of setting boundaries

Pushing anger down doesn’t make it disappear—it just turns into something else.

If you’ve ever thought, “I never get angry,” that’s actually a red flag.

More likely, you’ve just gotten really good at suppressing it.

You’re Not Broken

If this stuff resonates, I want you to know: You’re not broken, and it’s not your fault. 

The father wound isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s just something that needs healing.

Healing starts with awareness.

Questions for your journal:

  • What was your relationship with your dad like?

  • How have you seen these patterns show up in your life?

  • Which ways do you unconsciously seek his approval?

  • Are you ready to let these go?

You’re in the right place.

This is a space where we can get real, support each other, and heal.

Stay strong, brother.

Oliver

P.S. The 6-month brotherhood men’s group circle sold out within 24 hours. If you’re interested in jumping on the next one, check out this page here for details and put your name down for first dibs.