3 unusual signs you have an unhealed father wound...

Alright, mate.

I’ll just come out and say it.

Fatherlessness is the silent pandemic that destroys many men.

“Father hunger” is a real vacuum in the male psyche.

Men without a solid, dependable and emotionally present father are more likely to:

• do worse in school

• have a higher chance of chronic addiction

• end up in prison

• struggle with anxiety, depression and other mental health issues

• suffer from chronic loneliness

• the list goes on…

This is why I keep saying that one of the best things a man can do in his life is to focus on healing his father wound.

I ran a group programme this year helping men do that, with great results.

But how do you know if you have a father wound?

As a coach who’s been helping men for years, I can usually tell when a man has a father wound at the core of his issues.

However — it’s not easy to tell.

So here are 3 unusual signs a man has an unhealed father wound:

1) Avoidance of Healthy Male Friendships

Men with unhealed father wounds might unconsciously avoid close friendships with other men.

This often stems from a deep-seated distrust of male figures or feelings of inferiority.

They might gravitate more toward female friendships, feeling safer or more understood, but this lack of male camaraderie can leave them without crucial brotherly support and mentorship.

2) Obsessive Self-Reliance or “Lone Wolf” Mentality

An unhealed father wound can drive men to embrace extreme independence, often accompanied by a “no one else can help me” mindset.

They may struggle with delegation, collaboration, or even accepting help from others.

While independence can be a strength, in this case, it becomes a coping mechanism for a deeper fear of vulnerability and disappointment from male authority figures.

3) Perfectionism + Self-Sabotage

Many men with father wounds seek validation through achievement, trying to live up to a mental standard of “proving” themselves.

However, this perfectionism is often paired with self-sabotage.

Just as they get close to success, they may undermine their own efforts, reflecting a subconscious belief that they aren’t worthy of achieving greatness – a belief often rooted in unresolved issues from a critical or absent father.

Do you have an unhealed father wound?

If so, let me leave you with a few self-reflection questions for your journal.

1. What are the beliefs I hold about myself that I feel were influenced by my father's words, actions, or absence?

2. When I think about success, love, and relationships, in what ways am I trying to prove myself or earn approval?

3. What qualities do I admire or resent in my father, and how do I see these qualities reflected in myself?

I hope these journaling questions help you reach a deeper understanding.

Go easy on yourself, brother.

Treat yourself as if you love yourself (even if you struggle to feel it).

You don’t deserve the shit you say to yourself in your own mind.

And if you’re really stuck in life, I’ve opened up slots for single sessions in the next couple of weeks to help you find your way again.

Click here to book yours.

Take care, mate.

Big love,

Oliver “babyface” Robert Lucas