Alright mate,
There’s one thing that consistently made my Nice Guy patterns worse over the years.
It often left me feeling strangely impotent in my life.
That thing was isolation and a lack of healthy male connection.
If you have people-pleasing tendencies and you don’t have solid connection with other men in your life, those patterns amplify.
Many men who experienced betrayal, rejection, or social pain learn to isolate as a form of self-protection.
It makes sense.
But the truth is, prolonged isolation quietly drains a man’s self-esteem, confidence and life energy.
The men who suffer most tend to be those who are isolated, stuck online, and without real male friendships or grounding in the real world.
When you’re alone, you’re trapped in your own head without an external reference point.
There’s no grounded reflection and no one to reality-check your fears or challenge distorted beliefs.
So self-sabotaging patterns keep looping.
You replay texts, second-guess boundaries and seek approval.
You tolerate behaviour that doesn’t sit right because it feels familiar.
This is how Nice Guys end up stuck in emotionally confusing or subtly abusive dynamics.
They’re trying to solve relational problems in isolation.
And isolation always amplifies:
• anxiety
• people-pleasing
• sexual self-doubt
• avoidance
• porn use
• self-betrayal
Left unchecked, these patterns start to feel like your personality.
They’re not.
They’re what happens when a man doesn’t have other men around him to:
• reflect what’s actually happening
• challenge blind spots
• normalise healthy boundaries
• anchor him back into self-respect
This is why men have always done this work together.
And it’s why the men who tend to have the healthiest relationships with women are often those with strong male friendships.
So here’s my invitation to you.
Prioritise your male connections.
Go to meetups or events with the intention of connecting with men, not women.
Start a bi-weekly guys night and invite men you genuinely feel good around. Bonus points if it involves steaks.
And take the initiative to go first in sharing what’s really going on for you. Drop the mask.
If you want a safe place to begin moving out of isolation and into grounded connection, the Pleaser to Leader Men’s Group is exactly that.
It’s for men who:
• struggle with people-pleasing in dating
• keep attracting emotionally unsafe dynamics
• want to feel more grounded, confident, and authentic
• are done trying to figure this out alone
It’s real male connection that interrupts the Nice Guy loop and restores boundaries, emotional steadiness, masculine presence, and relational confidence.
If this landed, don’t overthink it.
Isolation keeps your worst patterns alive.
Connection is how you grow past them.
We start on Tuesday 10th February.
Doors close at the end of this week and won’t reopen for a few months.
See you in there.
And stay courageous,
Oliver
