Stop putting her on a pedestal

Alright mate,

There’s one thing I used to do constantly that wrecked my confidence with women.

Putting her on a pedestal.

Here’s what that looks like:

• Reading her texts five times before replying

• Freezing up when talking to her so you don’t “get it wrong.”

• Feeling high when she’s affectionate and low when she’s cold

• Cancelling your plans because she’s suddenly free

• Holding back your opinions to keep the peace

• Fantasising about her after one date as if she’s the one

We’ve all done this before. But why?

Because deep down, you don’t believe you’re the prize.

Most of us were raised to earn approval from parents, teachers, and society.

You learned that being good got you love, and being honest got you punished.

So when a woman comes along, your brain replays an old childhood script:

“If I make her happy, I’ll finally be enough.”

You’re not actually seeing her. You’re seeing your mother’s eyes, waiting for validation.

The biggest attraction killer on earth isn’t not being tall, rich, or high status.

It’s neediness.

Neediness is outsourcing your sense of worth or emotional stability to someone else’s response to you.

When you put a woman on a pedestal, that’s textbook neediness.

It tells her you believe she’s above you, that you need her to complete you.

And that makes her lose respect and attraction for you.

If you need her to like you, validate you, or make you feel secure, she can’t feel desire for you.

Imagine going to a job interview and the interviewer starts begging you to take the role.

Telling you how amazing the company is, how much they need you, how they’ll do anything to make you say yes.

You instantly lose respect for them and start thinking “maybe there are better options out there.”

That’s what happens when you pedestalize a woman. The power flips.

So let’s take women off the pedestal with a few quick reframes of common needy beliefs.

1. “I hope I don't mess this up.”

Reframe: “I’ll be myself. If that’s not enough, she’s not the one.”

2. “I hope she likes me.”

Reframe: “Do I even like her?”

3. “I need to wait for the right moment.”

Reframe: “There’s no perfect moment. I’ll move when it feels right. If she’s not into it, no big deal.”

4. “I'll avoid saying anything she might not like.”

Reframe: “I’d rather be rejected for being real than accepted for being fake.”

5. “I need to impress her or she might leave.”

Reframe: “I don’t spend time with women I can’t relax around.”

Once you stop performing and start being real, attraction stops being a game and starts being effortless.

If you’re ready to make that shift for good, let’s jump on a call and map out what that looks like for you.

Stay courageous,

Oliver