How overprotective parents create needy men

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Alright, mate.

I hope your journey of personal growth is going well.

Let’s talk about maturation today…

Many men are walking around with the body of a man but the mind of a boy — and it's not their fault.

In this video, I'm talking about why this happens, and if you're one of them — what you can do about it.

I used to feel 16 … even though I was 25 years old at the time.

I had no direction in life outside of video games. I lived with my dad who paid all my bills for me and I had no motivation or drive to do anything.

Then I stumbled across a Jordan Peterson video about Peter Pan Syndrome. A pop psychology term for men who never grow up.

As I listened to him describe the problem, it hit me.

He was describing me. I was Peter Pan. The magical boy living in a fantasy world. Fun to be around — but floaty, flighty and unreliable as fuck.

I even dated a "Wendy" for a few years — a woman who mothered me and enabled my immaturity.

In the years since then, I've dived into the topic and discovered through my work as a coach that I wasn't alone.

Many men feel like they never grew up.

I've had clients in their 30s and 40s who were:

• Successful in their careers dressed in a suit but felt like they were just wearing their dad's clothes.

• Playing video games or watching anime in their bedrooms in their parent's house just like they did as teenagers.

• Feeling like a boy in their relationship with their wife who felt more like a mother.

There are a ton of causes of Peter Pan Syndrome in society.

But there's one I want to focus on today.

And that's overprotective parents.

There's a fantastic book called Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. This book talks about the parenting styles of emotionally immature adults.

She talks about how emotionally immature parents are often overprotective of their children as a way to manage their anxiety.

These parents often have the best intentions, but harm the boy's development.

There are 3 big ways that overprotective parenting keeps a boy from growing up.

How Overprotective Parenting Stops A Boy From Growing Up

Impact 1: lack of self-reliance and responsibility

For a boy to become a man, he must become self-reliant by overcoming adversity.

However, overprotective parents shield the boy from his mistakes and the consequences of his actions.

They micromanage his life and make all his decisions for him — which means the boy is never asked to take responsibility for anything.

His independence fails to develop because it doesn't need to. The boy internalises the childish belief that his parents will always be there to take care of him.

The boy grows into an adult with this same childish worldview. He ends up inappropriately depending on other people and avoiding all forms of responsibility.

Impact 2: fear of failure and risk aversion

Failure is a healthy part of life — but sometimes the fear of failure can be so paralyzing that you don't even try.

This is the reality for many men raised by overprotective parents.

They never let their children be exposed to failure or any sense of risk.

This teaches the boy that these things are to be avoided at all costs — and that if they were to occur, he wouldn't have the strength to deal with them.

Growing up with this attitude, these men avoid opportunities, reject challenges and sabotage their potential. Their life ends up being safe but stagnant because they are too afraid of failure that they never try anything new.

Impact 3: delayed emotional and social maturity

Being unprepared for life is one thing — but chronic loneliness is another.

Deep connections and authentic adult relationships need emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity is developed through overcoming emotional challenges & conflict.

But a man with overprotective parents may have never built this skill.

The man might seek surface-level connections to avoid vulnerability.

He might be inauthentic. He might play the nice guy, the people pleaser or otherwise be emotionally unavailable or avoidant with others.

The result? Failed relationships, social isolation, and a reliance on parents or partners to handle their emotions.

He remains emotionally immature and unable to engage in the give-and-take of adult relationships.

Now that we understand how overprotective parenting stunts your development as a man — let's talk about what you can do about it.

How To Overcome Peter Pan Syndrome & Overprotective Parenting

Tip 1

If you had overprotective parents, the worst part is the self-reliance and independence you never built.

If you don't build it now, you could easily remain dependent on other people well into your 50s or even older.

To break this cycle, you need to become aware of all the ways you avoid making decisions, taking ownership & accepting responsibility in your life.

And then you need to stop doing these things one step at a time.

For example, let's say you habitually avoid difficult conversations. Make a note of one conversation you're avoiding and commit to having it.

Tip 2

If fear of failure is preventing you from taking action — you're failing already.

Most men with Peter Pan Syndrome tend to keep themselves vague by refusing to craft a vision for their lives with a concrete plan.

The thinking behind this is "If I can avoid setting the conditions for success, I won't know when I fail."

But this just means you're failing constantly with your eyes closed.

There's only one solution to this.

Pick a direction. Move towards it slowly.

Your inner child needs to realise that failure is a sign of progress — not something to run away from.

Everything you want in life is on the other side of failure.

Fail more.

Tip 3

If overprotective parenting has crippled your emotional and social maturity — you need a safe place to develop these skills.

Doing it "in the wild" can be needlessly painful and traumatic.

One of the most powerful ways I've ever found to grow emotionally and socially is by joining a men’s group.

It's a safe space to express emotions, challenge your social maturity, and receive honest feedback from other men.

Finding a good one is challenging — which is why on the 14th October I'm launching my community for men committed to deep personal growth.

A part of this community involves 3 sharing circles every week with other men.

Click this link to get on the waiting list.

I'll see you in the next video.

Stay courageous,

OC