Alright mate,

For most of my life, my relationships with women were chaotic, messy, and emotionally exhausting.

At first, I assumed it was all my fault.

So I did therapy. I journaled. I worked on my patterns. I tried to “fix” myself.

That work mattered, and it’s still ongoing.

But somewhere along the way, I realised something important:

It wasn’t all on me.

That belief came from growing up in a challenging family environment, where I learned to over-take responsibility and under-value my own needs.

The truth is, relationships are co-created.

It takes two.

What I also realised is that I had been choosing emotionally immature women.

Not because they were “bad,” but because I didn’t yet know what maturity actually looked like.

Now, the signs are obvious to me.

Here are a few I pay close attention to, so you can save yourself a ton of unnecessary suffering:

Sign #1: Nothing is ever her responsibility

She says or does something that bothers you.

You bring it up calmly.

Suddenly, you’re accused of being “too sensitive,” insecure, or overreacting.

There’s no ownership, apology, or curiosity.

Just defensiveness and ego-protection.

Sign #2: Obsession with looks, money, and status

Everyone goes through a shallow phase. That’s normal.

But if those remain her primary values long-term, it usually signals a lack of emotional maturity.

Mature people learn to value character, safety, and substance.

Immature people stay fixated on image, never learning that fulfillment can’t be found there.

Sign #3: Craving constant excitement

Emotionally immature women often confuse love with intensity.

Calm, grounded men feel “boring” because chaos still feels familiar.

A mature woman has done enough inner work to no longer need emotional rollercoasters to feel alive, and she doesn’t create them either.

That’s when stable relationships actually become possible.

Sign #4: Princess expectations with no reciprocity

She has a long list of demands for her ideal man.

But little reflection on what she’s willing to offer in return.

This isn’t confidence or well-placed standards.

It’s entitlement.

Healthy relationships are built on reciprocity, something a mature woman understands intuitively.

If this resonates, the goal isn’t to judge or resent women.

It’s to stop abandoning your discernment and choose wisely.

If you’re done repeating the same patterns with women and are ready to attract/create an amazing relationship, my 12-week programme Pleaser to Leader may be a fit.

You can learn more and apply here.

Stay courageous,

Oliver